Sunday - Sept 11, 1988

I'm going to post what appears to be a very innocent, typical kid entry. But the results were hardly typical:

I got really mad today. Monte said all of this stuff that was untrue. That Simon was my boyfriend and I was going to marry him and all this. I never said that. I just want to cry. I want out of here so bad. Things like that always happen here. It's not fair. Mom asked me if I was mad because I got caught. I DIDN'T do anything to get caught at!!!!! That was Mom's attitude.

Candy, Steve, Monte, Julie and Jason said the librarian told us to be quiet (my sister and I). LIES LIES LIES!!!!!!!!

I don't know what to do anymore. I'll just keep to myself. I know Diamond won't lie about me. One of my few true friends here.

Yep on the face of it typical teen age whining - "It isn't fair" crap. But this incident (half forgotten after 20 years) had some serious fall out.

First of all there's the reason all of us good JW kids were in the library to begin with. At the beginning of the previous school year there was a big brouhaha because we weren't giving a united front. You see some of us were going to the pep rallies. Some of us were going to the library. Some of us were standing (but not participating) for the national anthem and some stayed seated. JWs were discouraged from pep rallies, not allowed to participate in sports and encouraged to not be involved in their school. On the contrary, you were to view school as a preaching "territory" and cultivate student interest in the JWs. And you were absolutely forbidden from participating in the national anthem because JWs were supposed to stay completely neutral when it came to national issues. So this wide range of responses was problematic for the JW congregation.

Candy was an elder's child and quite the proper girl. She let her father know what was going on and there were a series of elders' meetings to decide who should be disciplined, who was right and what we should all do in the future. So much for letting your conscience be your guide. I don't remember if anyone got in trouble but it was decided that we all were to go to the library so as to avoid the appearance of wrongdoing. It was also a convenient way to spy on each other as we could see if someone didn't show up to the library and they were quickly told on.

This particular day Monte was causing trouble. He was staying with his cousins, Julie and Jason, and he was kind of a bad boy. He was always making trouble. In this case, he started telling everyone else that I said Simon was my fiancee. Looking back now the whole situation was quite ridiculous. But the others took his side and next thing I know Candy's elder dad is summoning me to a meeting with him and another elder.

Seriously, I was in big trouble over this unsubstantiated issue. They questioned me for quite a while, then questioned my sister and Diamond. Only Diamond's absolute insistence that nothing was as it appeared saved me from a judicial meeting. A judicial meeting can lead to expulsion from the ranks of the JWs or it can lead to less severe but difficult consequences. You see, even though I had a spotless record as JW and had (at least to my knowledge) never given anyone any cause to believe I was ever less than truthful, the elders were inclined to believe Candy, Monte, Jason and Julie. The fact that Julie who didn't like me was best friends with Candy and was Jason's twin (and cousin to Monte) never entered into their deliberations. There were four of them against me and the elders believed that 2 or 3 people were all that was needed to determine guilt. I was not allowed to discuss this or meet with this 4 at any time. It seems incredible now. Simon lived nearly 3000 miles away, no one ever called him to see if we did indeed have a relationship and that this was not a serious issue in the grand scheme of things never was discussed. Many hours were spent, parents were consulted and I began to wonder if I had indeed done something wrong even inadvertently.

In the end, Diamond, who always had a stellar reputation as one of the JWs was believed (and less so my sister since she might be trying to protect me - see any problems with that?) I was sternly and completely admonished to make sure that I was always truthful and to avoid the appearance of wrongdoing. The elders believed I had led the others to think I had a relationship with Simon and since that was the same thing as lying outright I needed to be careful. Next time I'd be reproved and not allowed to comment at meetings or possibly marked. Worse case scenario would be excommunication.

Yes, teen whining and the unfairness of young adulthood could very well have been my undoing. I was still only 17 years old.