September 10, 1988

Ugh, teen angst! And not just any teen angst - JW teen angst which is just weird and pathetic looking back now. So let's just dive in and I'll explain it after the quote:

It's so hard for me here. I called Tulips' house today today. Simon answered.He was really surprised I called. Noah and Elizabeth were there too with their mom. Mona almost died. She was just getting over the flu. She's written me a letter. I hope I get it soon.

We up my day bed today. It looks nice.

I've got to get a job soon. I need to save money to move to Canada. I've also got to find out about Canadian immigration. That's kind of scary.

My mom doesn't know I called Mona. I hope I get money before she finds out. I just had to call. I couldn't resist. It should only be about $12, or maybe a little more?

Karrie told me Dana likes her and she's attracted to him. I'm the only one that knows. Unfortunately, he's engaged. I told her to avoid that. She's only getting into trouble!!!!! That could be SO dangerous!!!!!!!!!

Karrie told me Ramona and Rob broke up! HAHA! They're both such losers.

Yes lots of good gossip and drama here. Mona was my best friend in SSM. I had a terrible crush on her brother Simon. So I was excited to hear his voice. I want to make clear that I was completely ignored by him - I took every single kindness as proof that he really liked me but he never made a move towards that at all. He was a bit boring and very serious - I knew he would make a fine missionary one day. I was single minded when it came to looking for a mate. But really why was I even looking for a mate? I was only 17 years old.

Karrie was my sister's best friend and 14. Dana was older than me - probably 20-22. He had a big crush on Karrie which strikes me now as kind of icky. But since so many girls in our congregation married between the ages of 16 and 20 I didn't even think twice about it. The trouble I was worried about was with the elders. Things like personal responsibility, Dana living up to his obligations as a fiancee and trust - these were not my concern. My sole concern was that Karrie could get in trouble with the elders.

I took very seriously the admonition that we never be alone with a member of the opposite sex. I was very careful to make sure that everyone I knew had at least one extra person with them. I was terrified to be alone with someone of the opposite sex. I was so afraid of the appearance of wrong doing I couldn't even carry on a conversation with boys. This led to my fixation with Simon 2500 miles away. This also had serious consequences as you'll see later.

I was also sure that none of my friends would so much as kiss inappropriately so I had no idea that Karrie had been enticing Dana. Things had certainly gotten physical with them. But since I wasn't around to witness any appearance of wrongdoing I never thought that they were behaving very inappropriately. I should add that Dana did marry his girl and end up divorced just a couple of years later.