I wrote this a couple of years ago and I feel even more strongly about this now.
“You are so strong. I don’t know how you do it.” I heard those words yet again tonight. It was from a cousin of my husband’s. It is a comment I’ve gotten used to hearing and it usually has to do with the fact that my husband and both of my sons have autism, my husband and younger son have muscular dystrophy and my husband has some other health issues that make it unlikely he will continue employed much longer. The speaker finds it unbelievable that I’m going to school full time when the boys are 4 and 5. They can’t imagine how I make straight A’s almost every semester. They can’t conceive that I find time to be on the planning committee for the autism walk, mentor families of newly diagnosed individuals and still take care of my mother responsibilities. Usually the person who tells me this is quite religious and they think I some how have some kind of miraculous strength pulling me through. After all, they sometimes say, God never gives you more than you can handle.
That always gives me a good laugh. But, I’ll let you in on a secret, I have nothing. The secret to my so called strength: I believe with my whole being that this life is all I get, in fact all any of us get. This is a life of amazing beauty and grandeur. There are no do-overs and this life isn’t about waiting in some kind of hell on earth to get to the good stuff. This is it. Furthermore, God didn’t give me this situation of health issues to deal with. Simple genetics are responsible. God isn’t punishing me or testing me or seeing how good I am. I’m not “enduring” for some future reward if only I am good enough.
My secret is that I love my life just how it is, warts and all. When you don’t get a second chance you give your all to your first chance. I want to find out that my existence meant something now. I want to leave the world in a better place than I found it. Freeing myself from a belief in God gave my life a true purpose and meaning. I wasn’t some poor suffering creature paying for some distant ancestor’s sin. I was a being who came into existence from the circumstances of evolution. Hundreds of millions of years and millions of ancestors of all kinds came together to make me and all the things I see around me. How can I not rejoice in that? How would I show my appreciation for life by degrading it to a suffering existence that simply needed to be gotten through in order to get to heaven?
There has been a blessing in my disbelief. It has given me a strength I never knew before. I wake up in the morning sure in the confidence that I am doing the right thing as I watch my children are grow up loved, healthy and happy. I wake up knowing that this day will never, ever exist again. It is a glorious day – when you don’t believe!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Hurricane Gustav
Oh the potential for this to be really bad is certainly there. I cannot describe the dread this fills me with. In Hurricane Katrina I had a friend living in the NOLA area. She evacuated with her daughter and mother but her husband and dad stayed behind. They were ok but it took several weeks for them to get home. I also had a guy working for me doing hab/respite for the boys and he was from Biloxi and an entire family that he was close to drowned in the hurricane. It really shook me because I had several ties to the area.
To see this happening almost exactly 3 years later is just devastating to contemplate. I haven't heard from my friend who still lives in the area. I don't know what their plans are. But the reports are that the hurricane could stall right on the gulf coast of LA and cause extensive flooding and surges. Just horrific to think about.
This time people seem to be making plans for the safety of those who can't care for themselves. Things seem organized at this point. It is a testimony to humans' ability to be resiliant and caring to see the prepartions so far.
I continue to hope that people will follow manadatory evacuation orders, be safe and look out for each other. I also hope that life will be spared and this will turn out to be less severe than we anticipated.
To see this happening almost exactly 3 years later is just devastating to contemplate. I haven't heard from my friend who still lives in the area. I don't know what their plans are. But the reports are that the hurricane could stall right on the gulf coast of LA and cause extensive flooding and surges. Just horrific to think about.
This time people seem to be making plans for the safety of those who can't care for themselves. Things seem organized at this point. It is a testimony to humans' ability to be resiliant and caring to see the prepartions so far.
I continue to hope that people will follow manadatory evacuation orders, be safe and look out for each other. I also hope that life will be spared and this will turn out to be less severe than we anticipated.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Sarah Palin - Really??????
So John McCain just did the stupidest thing in his entire career or the most amazing and it all depends on your point of view. Today he nominated Sarah Palin, 2 year governor of Alaska and extreme right wing religious mother of 5, as a VP choice.
Here's a little bit about Sarah that concerns me:
1) I'm always offended by mothers of children with disabilities who think they are a better parent than anyone else. Perhaps Sarah doesn't think that but people are already admiring her ability to have 5 children (including one with Downs syndrome born in April) and be governor. Having children with disabilities myself (two in my case) I can understand experiences I've had are different than parents of typical kids. But this doesn't make me better or more experienced than others except when it comes to kids with disabilities. Same goes for Sarah. While we are on the parenting side of things now is a good time to point out that Sarah being a mother to 5 kids is no more relevant to the discussion than the fact that Biden was a widower with young boys for 11 years before remarrying. Where's the admiration for how well he handled that while being a senator?
2) Her experience is vastly less than Obama's. She grew up in Alaska, went to college in Idaho, had a variety of jobs none related to the Constitution, public office, bettering the world or anything else unless PTA mom counts. By contrast, Obama was a state legislator for years, lawyer, active in bettering the diverse neighborhoods in Chicago and always interested in improving the world through politics.
3) She is more religious than all but the most fundamentalist religious right. This excellent blog has some great quotes from some of her speeches:
She vetoed a bill to give same sex couples health benefits. She is rabidly pro life (more about that in a minute). She is a member of an Assembly of God (Pentecostal) church. The Aof G's stance on many social issues can be found here. Especially check out the ones on alcohol, divorce, homosexuality, and abortion.
4) I want to be very clear on my next point. I personally am pro-life for myself. However, I am also pro-choice. I trust other women to make the best decisions for themselves and families. It is NONE of my business. My comment really isn't even about abortion. It is about what Sarah's (and other pro lifers') view of children born that others would have aborted. Here is her quote:
5) She doesn't believe in global warming. In fact, she thinks it isn't man doing it. She doesn't want polar bears on the endangered list because it might hurt oil. She is FIRMLY involved in the oil industry - we've had 8 years of that. Isn't it enough?
6) Oh the lack of experience....how in the world can anyone think she is qualified? McCain has done nothing but harp for months about how Obama is not ready. How in the world is she?
7) Finally, McCain's obvious pandering is annoying. He chose the most conservative candidate he could find. If a man held her positions and was chosen as VP he'd be very roundly criticized. But just because she is a woman we are supposed to over look her extremely conservative views and vote for history? He's trying to target women excited about Hilary and are betting that their emotions will overwhelm their ability to make a decision about a woman who could NOT be more different than them. Does McCain then think that women only make emotional decisions? Our emotions always override our rationality? Is he sure he wants a woman VP?
Needless to say I'm not impressed. More importantly many people I knew who were undecided have been pushed solidly to Obama's camp. They have confidence in Obama and Biden.
All we can do now is watch and wait.
Here's a little bit about Sarah that concerns me:
1) I'm always offended by mothers of children with disabilities who think they are a better parent than anyone else. Perhaps Sarah doesn't think that but people are already admiring her ability to have 5 children (including one with Downs syndrome born in April) and be governor. Having children with disabilities myself (two in my case) I can understand experiences I've had are different than parents of typical kids. But this doesn't make me better or more experienced than others except when it comes to kids with disabilities. Same goes for Sarah. While we are on the parenting side of things now is a good time to point out that Sarah being a mother to 5 kids is no more relevant to the discussion than the fact that Biden was a widower with young boys for 11 years before remarrying. Where's the admiration for how well he handled that while being a senator?
2) Her experience is vastly less than Obama's. She grew up in Alaska, went to college in Idaho, had a variety of jobs none related to the Constitution, public office, bettering the world or anything else unless PTA mom counts. By contrast, Obama was a state legislator for years, lawyer, active in bettering the diverse neighborhoods in Chicago and always interested in improving the world through politics.
3) She is more religious than all but the most fundamentalist religious right. This excellent blog has some great quotes from some of her speeches:
More from from the 2006 campaign for governor in the Anchorage Daily News (which is suddenly the most popular news source in America). How she would feel if she walked into a church and heard a minister or pastor endorse a candidate for governor:
PALIN: "A pastor, a priest, a rabbi, certainly they have the freedom to say whatever they want to say. And you know, thank the lord that we do have that freedom of speech.
"Faith is very important to so many of us here in America, and I would never support any government effort to stifle our freedom of religion or freedom of expression or freedom of speech.
"You know, I would just caution maybe a pastor to be very careful if they're in front of a congregation and they decide to endorse one candidate over another. You know, there may be some frustration with that candidacy endorsement being made manifest by a few, fewer dollars in the offering plate, so I would just offer that bit of caution. (laughing.)
"But, no, I'll tell you, freedom of speech is so precious and it's worth defending and of course freedom of religion and freedom of expression will be things that I will fight for."About teaching creationism in public schools:
PALIN: "Teach both. You know, don't be afraid of information.
"Healthy debate is so important and it's so valuable in our schools. I am a proponent of teaching both.
"And, you know, I say this, too, as the daughter of a science teacher. Growing up with being so privileged and blessed to be given a lot of information on, on both sides of the subject -- creationism and evolution.
"It's been a healthy foundation for me. But don't be afraid of information and let kids debate both sides."
She vetoed a bill to give same sex couples health benefits. She is rabidly pro life (more about that in a minute). She is a member of an Assembly of God (Pentecostal) church. The Aof G's stance on many social issues can be found here. Especially check out the ones on alcohol, divorce, homosexuality, and abortion.
4) I want to be very clear on my next point. I personally am pro-life for myself. However, I am also pro-choice. I trust other women to make the best decisions for themselves and families. It is NONE of my business. My comment really isn't even about abortion. It is about what Sarah's (and other pro lifers') view of children born that others would have aborted. Here is her quote:
An outspoken anti-abortion Republican, Palin has spoken out about her fifth child, who was diagnosed in utero with Down syndrome.Why does this disturb me? I'm glad she loves her son and I am thrilled that she can realize that a child with disabilities still brings joy and happiness. However, I have a friend who is very pro-choice who has a daughter with Downs. Strangers have come up to her in public to congratulate her for bringing such a "precious soul" into the world. She feels these comments make it sound like the possibility of having a child with Downs is so incredibly horrific that only those who are forced to keep the child because of their moral stance would have them. She feels it devalues her daughter and highlights that she is less than others. She knew before her daughter was born that she would have Downs and she chose to have her because she already loved her. In fact, plenty of women who swear they are anti-abortion have aborted babies showing disabilities and plenty of pro-choice women have had babies with known disabilities.
"We knew through early testing he would face special challenges, and we feel privileged that God would entrust us with this gift and allow us unspeakable joy as he entered our lives," the Republican National Committee quoted her as saying. "We have faith that every baby is created for good purpose and has potential to make this world a better place. We are truly blessed."
5) She doesn't believe in global warming. In fact, she thinks it isn't man doing it. She doesn't want polar bears on the endangered list because it might hurt oil. She is FIRMLY involved in the oil industry - we've had 8 years of that. Isn't it enough?
6) Oh the lack of experience....how in the world can anyone think she is qualified? McCain has done nothing but harp for months about how Obama is not ready. How in the world is she?
7) Finally, McCain's obvious pandering is annoying. He chose the most conservative candidate he could find. If a man held her positions and was chosen as VP he'd be very roundly criticized. But just because she is a woman we are supposed to over look her extremely conservative views and vote for history? He's trying to target women excited about Hilary and are betting that their emotions will overwhelm their ability to make a decision about a woman who could NOT be more different than them. Does McCain then think that women only make emotional decisions? Our emotions always override our rationality? Is he sure he wants a woman VP?
Needless to say I'm not impressed. More importantly many people I knew who were undecided have been pushed solidly to Obama's camp. They have confidence in Obama and Biden.
All we can do now is watch and wait.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
My religious history
So I thought it was time for a brief history of my background. I know at some point someone is going to come along and tell me that I just haven't studied the Bible, Quran, Torah, the Suttas or whatever other religious literature enough. I mean come on if I only prayed and studied more I'd be a believer, right? So this is my attempt to set that bit of nonsense straight.
I spent the first 27 years of my life as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I was a devout, pious true believer. I read the Bible all the way the through when I was 16 and then the following year did the same thing again in the King James version. Nothing I read at the time convinced me my beliefs were wrong. Time went on until I started going on the Internet and I discovered the vast inaccuracies of the JWs. But that still didn't "shipwreck" my faith. I prayed and prayed to be able show others how their belief was incorrect. Time went on and I was undergoing an inward struggle. Soon the cognitive dissonance became too much. One Sunday in July I was sitting in the meeting and the person giving the talk said "Let's read in Matthew about this topic." As he read the topic and applied I kept reading it and I realized that what he was saying it meant and what it really meant were two different things. Suddenly all of the things I had been learning, believing and teaching others seemed ridiculous. Something inside me literally snapped. I waited until the middle song, got up and went home. I have not been to a JW meeting since.
But that was merely the prelude to the next 10 years. I wasn't interested in partying or making up for lost time due to my ultra-restricted childhood. I also wasn't interested in trying to prove to others the JWs weren't true. I reread the Bible again and felt "Well, I may not have a religion now but I'll always believe the Bible is true." Then I met my now husband and found out he was Jewish. I began studying Judaism in an attempt to understand him and his family. I mostly wanted to know what all these words they kept saying meant. In the process I started reading about why Jews don't believe Jesus is the Messiah. Soon I found myself believing along with them. After a 3 year study I converted to Judaism.
I quickly grew disillusioned with traditional Judaism and its rules. I found it difficult to accept that the Talmud and other writings were from God. The continued building of fences around the Torah began to seem like a heavy burden. Somehow my husband and I became affiliated with a Messianic Jewish congregation. Wow, I thought, I can have the best of both worlds. However, this group was just as controlling as the Orthodox and the JW world. In the meantime, I started college and concentrated on my studies. I continued to study and pray. I needed a humanities credit so I took a course on Buddhism and even attended Buddhist services. I could never quite wrap my mind around the core beliefs although to this day I do use many meditation and in the moment practices from Buddhism.
All of this searching was really beginning to bother me. I prayed and prayed but never seemed to get any kind of reliable answer. My heart began to ache and I missed having a tight knit community. Although I STRONGLY disagreed with many doctrines of the church of my youth I did miss the closeness and reliability of such a close group. Around this time the Mormons began to visit and after a year I joined their church. About four months later I realized what sick twisted cult this was. It almost made JWs look tame.
Having now went to all kind of fringe groups I went with friends to a "true Christian" church. Very evangelical and large. Doing everything right kind of place. But I was appalled at the amount of money spent on upkeep of a church for 10,000 and the lack of concern for social issues. I also was appalled at the claptrap they taught children. I wanted my children to grow up feeling free to question and challenge and learn about any topic.
Perhaps a smaller church would be more my style. I still hadn't resolved the whole Jesus thing in my mind and thought perhaps it was because I was having trouble finding "real" Christianity. It doesn't seem like it should be so hard. After all, if the Bible was so infallible why was I having such a hard time? To a smaller mainline church I went. Although it seemed more liberal than the large church it still taught my children things like the reality of the flood. By now I had read enough and studied enough science to know that this was an impossibility. It was a deal breaker in my mind.
Suddenly I had to come to the realization that the Bible wasn't infallible. Once more I felt that familiar breaking inside me. But this time the ground grew unsteady all around me. I felt as though I couldn't count on anything. Around this time my oldest was diagnosed with autism and now I was truly floundering. What had my 10 years of prayer and study and searching and desiring and tears and heartache got me? Just confused, saddened and depressed.
Words supposedly from a French king helped. While viewing a field covered in flowers Louis the XIV is said to have remarked "Perhaps there are as many ways to God as there are different flowers in the field" or something to that effect. He probably didn't say it but it helped my aching heart.
Finally, I decided to put religion from my mind and research holy books. I did this for about another year. Hours and hours of research and at the end of the day I just couldn't believe. It was too ludicrous, too obviously written to explain ancient times. It was all a fake.
At the same time, one of my classes at college was Bones, Stones and Human Evolution. I went in totally not believing in evolution. I only took this class because it would count as one of my sciences and it didn't have a separate lab. This class took my breath away. It was like discovering an entire universe existed under my nose but I could never see it. I had read enough to have no belief in the early stories of the Bible. But the evidence we looked at, studied, touched, read about, saw pictures of and looked at under microscopes was incontrovertible. Evolution was a fact. There was no way for me to deny it. There were mountains and mountains of evidence and just no way for it to not be true.
Then I found humanism. There was not a principal in humanism I disagreed with. I believed the principles. It was me. I realized something very important before I gave up my last ditch belief in God. If God were true or not, it wouldn't change how I lived my life. I did most of the things religious people said you should do. If there were or weren't life after death, it wouldn't change how I lived my life. And in that moment I let God go. I could be a good person without being chained to beliefs made by men without any conception of life now. I could be a good person without thoughts of eternal rewards or torture.
That is when God became irrelevant to my life.
I spent the first 27 years of my life as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I was a devout, pious true believer. I read the Bible all the way the through when I was 16 and then the following year did the same thing again in the King James version. Nothing I read at the time convinced me my beliefs were wrong. Time went on until I started going on the Internet and I discovered the vast inaccuracies of the JWs. But that still didn't "shipwreck" my faith. I prayed and prayed to be able show others how their belief was incorrect. Time went on and I was undergoing an inward struggle. Soon the cognitive dissonance became too much. One Sunday in July I was sitting in the meeting and the person giving the talk said "Let's read in Matthew about this topic." As he read the topic and applied I kept reading it and I realized that what he was saying it meant and what it really meant were two different things. Suddenly all of the things I had been learning, believing and teaching others seemed ridiculous. Something inside me literally snapped. I waited until the middle song, got up and went home. I have not been to a JW meeting since.
But that was merely the prelude to the next 10 years. I wasn't interested in partying or making up for lost time due to my ultra-restricted childhood. I also wasn't interested in trying to prove to others the JWs weren't true. I reread the Bible again and felt "Well, I may not have a religion now but I'll always believe the Bible is true." Then I met my now husband and found out he was Jewish. I began studying Judaism in an attempt to understand him and his family. I mostly wanted to know what all these words they kept saying meant. In the process I started reading about why Jews don't believe Jesus is the Messiah. Soon I found myself believing along with them. After a 3 year study I converted to Judaism.
I quickly grew disillusioned with traditional Judaism and its rules. I found it difficult to accept that the Talmud and other writings were from God. The continued building of fences around the Torah began to seem like a heavy burden. Somehow my husband and I became affiliated with a Messianic Jewish congregation. Wow, I thought, I can have the best of both worlds. However, this group was just as controlling as the Orthodox and the JW world. In the meantime, I started college and concentrated on my studies. I continued to study and pray. I needed a humanities credit so I took a course on Buddhism and even attended Buddhist services. I could never quite wrap my mind around the core beliefs although to this day I do use many meditation and in the moment practices from Buddhism.
All of this searching was really beginning to bother me. I prayed and prayed but never seemed to get any kind of reliable answer. My heart began to ache and I missed having a tight knit community. Although I STRONGLY disagreed with many doctrines of the church of my youth I did miss the closeness and reliability of such a close group. Around this time the Mormons began to visit and after a year I joined their church. About four months later I realized what sick twisted cult this was. It almost made JWs look tame.
Having now went to all kind of fringe groups I went with friends to a "true Christian" church. Very evangelical and large. Doing everything right kind of place. But I was appalled at the amount of money spent on upkeep of a church for 10,000 and the lack of concern for social issues. I also was appalled at the claptrap they taught children. I wanted my children to grow up feeling free to question and challenge and learn about any topic.
Perhaps a smaller church would be more my style. I still hadn't resolved the whole Jesus thing in my mind and thought perhaps it was because I was having trouble finding "real" Christianity. It doesn't seem like it should be so hard. After all, if the Bible was so infallible why was I having such a hard time? To a smaller mainline church I went. Although it seemed more liberal than the large church it still taught my children things like the reality of the flood. By now I had read enough and studied enough science to know that this was an impossibility. It was a deal breaker in my mind.
Suddenly I had to come to the realization that the Bible wasn't infallible. Once more I felt that familiar breaking inside me. But this time the ground grew unsteady all around me. I felt as though I couldn't count on anything. Around this time my oldest was diagnosed with autism and now I was truly floundering. What had my 10 years of prayer and study and searching and desiring and tears and heartache got me? Just confused, saddened and depressed.
Words supposedly from a French king helped. While viewing a field covered in flowers Louis the XIV is said to have remarked "Perhaps there are as many ways to God as there are different flowers in the field" or something to that effect. He probably didn't say it but it helped my aching heart.
Finally, I decided to put religion from my mind and research holy books. I did this for about another year. Hours and hours of research and at the end of the day I just couldn't believe. It was too ludicrous, too obviously written to explain ancient times. It was all a fake.
At the same time, one of my classes at college was Bones, Stones and Human Evolution. I went in totally not believing in evolution. I only took this class because it would count as one of my sciences and it didn't have a separate lab. This class took my breath away. It was like discovering an entire universe existed under my nose but I could never see it. I had read enough to have no belief in the early stories of the Bible. But the evidence we looked at, studied, touched, read about, saw pictures of and looked at under microscopes was incontrovertible. Evolution was a fact. There was no way for me to deny it. There were mountains and mountains of evidence and just no way for it to not be true.
Then I found humanism. There was not a principal in humanism I disagreed with. I believed the principles. It was me. I realized something very important before I gave up my last ditch belief in God. If God were true or not, it wouldn't change how I lived my life. I did most of the things religious people said you should do. If there were or weren't life after death, it wouldn't change how I lived my life. And in that moment I let God go. I could be a good person without being chained to beliefs made by men without any conception of life now. I could be a good person without thoughts of eternal rewards or torture.
That is when God became irrelevant to my life.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
For a father's sin
Today I was doing some research on a totally unrelated question and came across a story in the Bible I had never read before. It was 1 Kings 14 the story of Abijah's death for Jeroboam's (his father's) sin. While researching what traditional Christians would say about this I found this from 1 Kings 14:
Can I say first of all, I have read the Bible all the way through more than once and I don't remember this story? Can I also say that I am appalled at this thinking? There was good in him but because of who his father was he was to die and be buried and that was MERCIFUL? How about not judging him because of who his father was?
I remember the story of David and Bathsheba's 1st son dying and I remember the story of the 10th plague and I remember the story about the virgin's being parceled out to the victors while their families were slaughtered. But I missed this one and it shocked me all anew. Why can anyone say that I should worship a god that would kill a GOOD child because of his father?
It boggles the mind!
This is the above link's explanation:
"Arise therefore, go to your own house. When your feet enter the city, the child shall die. And all Israel shall mourn for him and bury him, for he is the only one of Jeroboam who shall come to the grave, because in him there is found something good toward the Lord God of Israel in the house of Jeroboam. "
When your feet enter the city, the child shall die: Jeroboam sent his wife to discover the fate of his son. The bad news was that the child would die. Yet his death would be a demonstration of mercy, because at least he would be buried in honor and properly mourned. Such great judgment was coming upon the house of Jeroboam that all would see that by comparison, this son was blessed in his death.
Can I say first of all, I have read the Bible all the way through more than once and I don't remember this story? Can I also say that I am appalled at this thinking? There was good in him but because of who his father was he was to die and be buried and that was MERCIFUL? How about not judging him because of who his father was?
I remember the story of David and Bathsheba's 1st son dying and I remember the story of the 10th plague and I remember the story about the virgin's being parceled out to the victors while their families were slaughtered. But I missed this one and it shocked me all anew. Why can anyone say that I should worship a god that would kill a GOOD child because of his father?
It boggles the mind!
Not so great a blogging!
I guess I'm not so great about blogging. I have lots to say I just never get around to say it. So I'm going to try to post regularly.
My new teaching job was a complete and very terrible disaster. On the 2nd day of school they said my class was too small so they let me go. It is now two weeks later and my prospects look grim. I know a lot of former stay at home moms have gone back to work as teachers so I'm wondering if this is part of the reason it is hard to find a position. I've spent hours and hours working (I'm looking at it as a full time job) and I cry nearly every day. This really sucks and it isn't fair. I'll never go back to that charter school, I'll never send my children to a charter school and I'll never work for any charter school again. There is no safety net for parents, students or staff.
The boys went to my new school for 3 days. On the 3rd day I withdrew them and put them in their old school. They LOVE IT! I think one thing I did learn from this is that I need to let them stay in their school and keep their social circles going. Both boys have friends who call them and considering they both are very much on the autism spectrum I think that is fabulous.
The other news is that we are debating the merits of going to a Humanistic Jewish synagogue or to a Unitarian Universalist congregation. I'm leaning more towards the UU group because I think there are things to learn from religion although I myself do not believe in god. I may try out both and see which we like better. I'd just like some community for myself to help combat the stupid cult upbringing I had :)
I have lots more to say so hopefully I'll come back tomorrow :)
My new teaching job was a complete and very terrible disaster. On the 2nd day of school they said my class was too small so they let me go. It is now two weeks later and my prospects look grim. I know a lot of former stay at home moms have gone back to work as teachers so I'm wondering if this is part of the reason it is hard to find a position. I've spent hours and hours working (I'm looking at it as a full time job) and I cry nearly every day. This really sucks and it isn't fair. I'll never go back to that charter school, I'll never send my children to a charter school and I'll never work for any charter school again. There is no safety net for parents, students or staff.
The boys went to my new school for 3 days. On the 3rd day I withdrew them and put them in their old school. They LOVE IT! I think one thing I did learn from this is that I need to let them stay in their school and keep their social circles going. Both boys have friends who call them and considering they both are very much on the autism spectrum I think that is fabulous.
The other news is that we are debating the merits of going to a Humanistic Jewish synagogue or to a Unitarian Universalist congregation. I'm leaning more towards the UU group because I think there are things to learn from religion although I myself do not believe in god. I may try out both and see which we like better. I'd just like some community for myself to help combat the stupid cult upbringing I had :)
I have lots more to say so hopefully I'll come back tomorrow :)
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